On Finding a Therapist by a Therapist
“How do I find a therapist?” and “How do I know if my therapist is the right fit?” are two of the most common questions I receive from friends and family members regarding therapy. I love getting these questions because 1) it means this person is serious about finding a therapist and 2) I believe we need to talk about the right fit when it comes to therapists more often! In fact, research has found that the number one prediction of a successful treatment in psychotherapy is the relationship between the therapist and client (Dr. Lynne Knobloch-Fedders and a million other resources!). So yes, finding the “right fit” is very important, maybe the most important, aspect of therapy!
Now, before we begin to examine what is the right fit, let’s remember that there is no such thing as the perfect therapist. You are never going to find a therapist that holds up to every expectation you have when it comes to therapy. So, let’s distinguish between some universal deal breakers and what might be a deal breaker for you.
Universal dealbreakers:
The therapist talks more than you in session (The first few sessions, the therapist will likely have a lot of questions! But they shouldn’t be talking about themselves hardly at all and certainly shouldn’t be talking about themselves more than you are talking about yourself).
The therapist doesn’t tell you your rights at the beginning of therapy (This includes things like HIPAA rights, informed consent, etc.).
The therapist often tells you that you’re their favorite client or their easiest client. This is a huge red flag that the therapist has a blind spot in treating you.
The therapist cancels often or doesn’t show to appointments (There will always be exceptions to this – I have had to cancel at the last minute more than once because of sickness, a family emergency, etc. However, they should communicate to you about it ASAP and ideally would be able to reschedule with you).
Potential Personal Dealbreakers:
Many people prefer a specific gender – this is sometimes due to a history of trauma and sometimes just a general preference. It is totally ok to only want to see the gender that you’re most comfortable with – whether that is a female, male, or a non-binary therapist!
Likewise, many people will prefer to see a specific race. Usually, this is the same race as the client, but sometimes not. I know many people will feel awkward approaching this conversation with their therapist or with a potential therapist, but remember that your needs are the most important when it comes to therapy. I have helped many current and potential clients find a therapist that better meets their needs when it comes to race.
Style and communication – for every therapist, there is a different style and communication strategy. You may prefer a therapist who is more laid back. Or, you may want to work exclusively on coping mechanisms. Different therapists with different personalities utilizing different theories will meet different needs.
There are probably many more bullet points that could be added to each of the above lists, but this is a good starting place for us! If your current therapist is exhibiting any of the universal dealbreakers, I would encourage you to at least have an open conversation with them about your concerns. However, if any therapist is exhibiting multiple of the universal dealbreakers, I would hope that their clients could find someone who is practicing ethically because everyone deserves ethical care.
When it comes to finding the right fit for you, I would encourage you to think about the personal dealbreakers you may have. Maybe it was on the list above or maybe it wasn’t. Either way, make a list of your potential deal breakers. Once, you have your list, I would encourage you to go to any/all of the following directories:
Psychologytoday.com
Goodtherapy.org
Your insurance portal
Advekit.com
Zencare.co
Each of these resources has their unique way of filtering through therapists for you, but some of the main filters you should be able to use are:
Location
Insurance Providers
Gender
Age
Specialties
Again, this is a good moment to remember that there is no such thing as the perfect therapist, but I think you could find some potential therapists that would check off most of your list! It is also important to remember that those in large cities will have a much bigger pool to choose from than those in smaller towns. For those of you in smaller towns, I would encourage you to consider teletherapy, which many therapists are currently offering. They would most likely need to be practicing in your state at the least, but don’t need to be in your city.
Additionally, many therapists don’t take insurance for a variety of reasons. I, myself, am currently only taking private pay. I can only speak for myself, but I imagine many therapists would have similar reasons to only take private pay, some of which are:
It takes so much time to be boarded by insurance companies! As we all know, the American healthcare system is full of red tape and this is no exception.
Unfortunately, the pay is barely livable in many places, which is extremely difficult for many people who have had to take out loans for a Master’s Degree!
The paperwork required with insurance companies ends up taking an exhausting amount of time, which is all unpaid time!
There is a convenience that comes with not having to answer to insurance companies.
If you found a therapist that is a great fit, but doesn’t take your insurance, I would recommend looking into the following options:
Ask if they offer a sliding scale (Many do and will be happy to offer it if you ask!)
Contact your insurance company and inquire if they offer reimbursement for out of network providers or if they will cover a certain percentage of it. You would be surprised at how many people have this as an option and don’t even know it!
At the least, ask for bills from your therapist so that you can submit it to your insurance company to go towards your deductible. This should eventually make all of your other healthcare more affordable!
If your therapist uses Advekit or a similar service, you can access a lot of free resources to help you work with your insurance company on reimbursement!
If your therapist doesn’t take insurance and you can not afford their out of pocket fee even with the potential out of network benefits your insurance company may offer, I would encourage you to ask this therapist for other referrals. They most likely have contact in the field and they may be able to help you find a therapist with a similar style that is more affordable to you!
The more we discuss strategies for finding the right therapist for you, the more we are normalizing therapy! I deeply believe in the therapeutic relationship, which is why it is incredibly important to find a therapist who is the right fit for you. It is my hope that this information inspires you to find a therapist who is the right fit for you because your mental health is worth it!
